Join Me for Breakfast

“God has placed a special gift of mercy in some of His sons and daughters. However, without maturity, they will actually oppose the deeper work He is attempting to do in others.” – Os Hillman

Every Tuesday morning, I meet with a small group of Christian men for breakfast. The purpose of the gathering is for fellowship, encouragement, and mutual accountability... as well as a good meal. The topics of conversation change from week to week, but you can usually count on faith, politics, and sports to be at the top of the agenda.

This week, one of the men asked the rest of us the difference between helping and enabling. Specifically, he wondered whether to give money, food, or nothing to a panhandler. My approach has always been to offer food but not money in such a situation, but one of the other men had a different perspective.

“As a former druggie myself,” he said, “I would strongly suggest that you don’t give them anything.” He went on to say that in his case, it was necessary for him to hit rock bottom before realizing that he needed to make some serious changes in his life. “As long as someone was willing to give me stuff for free, I was willing to take it. It wasn’t until they stopped giving me handouts that I was forced to make some desperately needed changes.”

I countered by saying that I likewise wrestled with the entire welfare system. “Everyone makes mistakes,” I said, “but if we continue to reward single women for every out-of-wedlock birth they have, we will simply encourage them to have more babies that they can’t support.”

“I realize that it’s not the child’s fault,” I added, “but at some point, we are simply subsidizing immoral and unhealthy behavior. Even worse, out-of-wedlock birth is the leading predictor of future incarceration and lifelong poverty, so we aren’t doing anyone a favor by subsidizing it with our tax dollars.”

Here are some more words of wisdom on this admittedly difficult and sensitive subject from Os Hillman, founder of Marketplace Leaders…

“It is absolutely necessary for each of God’s sons and daughters to go to their own cross. But some have been counseled and encouraged to act based on the course that would bring them the least pain. This is done out of a genuine but misguided gift of mercy which longs to make things painless for others. God, however, allows His sons to experience pain to bring them to the end of themselves. He allows loneliness to draw them into intimacy with Him. Peter did not want Jesus to go to the cross. Jesus rebuked Satan in Peter. When people counsel others based on the least amount of pain a decision may cause, they are getting in the way of God’s purposes for that individual. Jesus learned obedience from the things He suffered (Heb. 5:8).”
I suppose the bottom line is this: Sometimes, as hard as it seems, it is better to let someone suffer in the short-term, so they survive and flourish in the long-term. That can be especially tough for parents because we are conditioned to do everything in our power to spare our children any unnecessary pain. But is that really helpful?

Come join us for breakfast and share your thoughts on this and other matters!

“But He turned and said to Peter, ‘Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.’” Matthew 16:23 (NKJV)

- Rev. Dale M. Glading, President